Happy Valentine’s Day! To celebrate the occasion, I decided to put together some friendly advice on a topic that I’m sure many of you are interested in – getting senpai to notice you. You all know the situation, either from personal experience or observing a class-mate. Instead of old-fashioned unrequited love, this is when senpai doesn’t seem to acknowledge that their precious kouhai even exists. And that’s a dilemma that these ten suggestions were compiled to combat!
If you have any suggestions that weren’t included, be sure to leave a comment!
#10: Change your outfit
Sometimes a simple change in attire can make all the difference – adjusting skirt length, wearing a different pair of pants, or washing your pair of lucky boxers can all be adequate adjustments.
New clothing is optional.
#9: Change your hairstyle
Along with clothing, changing your hair is an easy way to grab attention. Whether a cut, color, or simple styling modification, it could certainly do the job.
Ponytail is recommended.
#8: Send senpai polite messages
If you just happen to come across senpai’s phone number or email address, you can send them a polite message about something like school. Just make sure to not be awkward or pushy, otherwise senpai might think you’re a stalker.
Kaomoji are optional.
#7: Walk up to senpai and say hello
While it is undoubtedly a revolutionary idea, a normal greeting may be all that’s necessary. It will certainly leave a better first impression than some suggestions further down this list.
Waving is optional.
#6: Leave a note in senpai’s (shoe) locker
If you’re just too shy to go with a normal greeting, but want something that puts the ball in senpai’s court, you could put a note in their locker. Whether a confession of love or a simple desire for their attention, it will likely do the trick.
Hearts are optional.
#5: Tell your friends that you’re dating senpai
If senpai isn’t noticing you via respectable attempts for attention, you can try to grab them through the rumor mill – if someone hears a rumor saying that they’re dating you, surely they’d be curious enough to figure out who you are, right?
Photoshopped evidence is recommended.
#4: Follow senpai home from school
Following senpai home will give you a better understanding of their preferences, personality, and general demeanor outside of school. And you can find out where senpai lives. If anyone asks what you’re doing, tell them you’re an ornithologist.
Binoculars are recommended. Trench coat, hat, and sunglasses are recommended.
#3: Wait in senpai’s closet
Surely senpai will need to open their closet before too long. If you’re expecting to camp out, plan ahead for what you’ll need to bring.
Panties (to wear on your head) are optional.
#2: Send senpai a present with you waiting inside of it
Everyone likes presents – the mystery of what’s contained and the excitement of unwrapping can get everyone’s imagination churning. Then just imagine the look on senpai’s face when they find you waiting inside!
Ribbon is recommended. Clothing is optional.
#1: Abduct senpai and put them in your basement/shed/creepy shack in the woods
It’s going to be hard for your senpai to not notice you when you’ve kidnapped and secluded them. For added effect, cover the wall with photographs of senpai with you edited in, along with a single lightbulb hanging from the (preferrably damp) ceiling.
Researching Stockholm syndrome is recommended. Heating is optional.
Of course, if the punchline is that you’re Bruce Willis from The Sixth Sense, none of these will help you.
David Kyoycz is well known for having an unhealthy obsession with a fictional character, making his shit taste public knowledge, and corrupting the youth of Japan. By his own account, “I wouldn’t consider myself a narcissist, but my free time is more valuable than some hussy’s desires. Especially when that hussy tries to get with at least three other men while we’re dating. And besides, I probably don’t want to be your senpai.”