10 Reasons You Should Never Buy Your Own Games

Buying games can be expensive. If you’re like me, I’m sure you hate having to budget between “priorities” and “entertainment,” forced to steer clear of enticing sales and shiny new offers. Well, I have the solution for you! Why spend your own money to buy yourself games when other people’s wallets are overflowing with opportunity?

So, here are 10 tips to get you started with both increased savings and more games added to your collection!

#10: You can ask for Christmas/birthday/other holiday gifts

Since people will already be giving gifts for occasions like these, take advantage and ask for games, money towards games, or credit towards digital purchases.

#9: You can make a general request for games

If it won’t be a while until your birthday or the next gift-giving holiday, you can always just test the waters by asking friends or family to buy you something. If someone’s feeling generous, you may just head home with a copy of that game you were hoping for!

#8: You can offer simple bribes

If a general request doesn’t pan out, you can always upgrade your strategy – offer some type of bribe. Obviously, money is out of the question, but if your skills relate to someone’s interests or necessities, you may be able to sway them. Something as easy as a nice shoulder massage can easily do the trick.

#7: You can “borrow” money for “rent” from your parents

You can always pretend your bank account is running on empty, and look to your parents for assistance. This can be approached two ways – explicitly ask to borrow money, or just hint at how you might miss your bills for the month. If neither of these work, you can move to option #5.

#6: You can exploit senile relatives

Do you have older relatives that can’t tell left from right? That could forget their own names quite easily? Well, you’re in luck! Just give them a gentle reminder that your birthday is tomorrow, along with how much money you want. Hopefully, they won’t know any better. And hopefully they’ll remember how to fill out a check.

#5: You can guilt-trip friends or relatives

If anyone owes you, either financially or for something you’ve done for them, it’s now time to capitalize. But instead of just asking them to pay you back, guilt-trip them – make them feel like that, and more, is entirely their own fault, and maybe you’ll get a bit more than you were originally owed.

#4: You can blackmail for games

If the guilt-trip isn’t as successful as you’d hoped, it’s time to move to the next step – blackmail. If your friend just happens to have gotten a game you want last week, and he just happens to have a weird mole on his left buttcheek, and you just happen to have a picture of it, it’s time to threaten to make that public. Of course, unless he gives you the game in concession.

#3: You can blackmail for cash

If you happen to have dirt on someone worth more than a single game, you can always skip to requesting lots of cash. Now you have a good use for the fact that your friend likes to roleplay as George W. Bush in the bedroom. While his partner wears a Bill Clinton mask. If you happen to have a video, you’re basically sitting on gold.

#2: You can con people

While quite a general recommendation, the idea is to offer something in exchange for money, even if you have no intention of doing what they expect of you. And if you’ve ever been interested in setting up a pyramid scheme, now is the time!

#1: You should be using your money to buy me games

Why would you waste your money to selfishly buy games for yourself when you could use that same money to selflessly buy me games instead?


David Kyoycz is well known for having an unhealthy obsession with a fictional character, making his shit taste public knowledge, and corrupting the youth of Japan. By his own account, “The greed in my heart has helped me perfect the art of connivery. I’d say it’s a natural response to never getting what I want.”

Advertisements

One thought on “10 Reasons You Should Never Buy Your Own Games

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s