Have you ever ever run into the existential question “Why isn’t there a game that makes me feel complete? That gives my life purpose? That lets me rek nups and pwn scrubs?”
That game is finally here.
GAME OF THE YEAR: 420BLAZEIT vs.xxXilluminatiXxx [wow/10 #rektedition] Montage Parody The Game, also known by the simpler yet less interesting name of GAME OF THE YEAR: 420BLAZEIT, is an FPS shooter for the PC master race.
The story starts with your character, the silent protagonist, receiving instructions from xXSWAGNEMITE#YOLO420Xx. Your mission is to combat the Illuminati and their henchmen in order to save the future of MLG.*
* If you don’t know what MLG is, it stands for Major League Gaming. Get on my level.
If you’re like me, you’re just way too stronk for this chump change. You start out with a standard issue Mountain Dew Ghetto Blasta, which is super-effective against scrubs. The most important gameplay feature is keeping up on your game fuel – Mountain Dew to combat thirst4Dew and Doritos for hungryiness. Fortunately, taking out the grunts in your way is a great way to fuel up and keep a high KDR.
While the Illuminati may seem 2spooky4me, the game has plenty of motivational messages from NPCs to help keep you moving. Characters such as Snoop Dogg, Kappa, and Sanic make an appearance, all giving you advice like “Smoke weed erryday.”
The soundtrack is also beyond excellent. Dubstep? Air horns? Inception BWAAAHHHHHHHS? Every single sound comes together to add to the gravity of the mission and make it very clear what the stakes are. You’re pushed to use every weapon in your arsenal and 360 no scope for bonus pwnage.
With a mouse and keyboard, reking nups has never been easier. Controls are extremely precise, give excellent feedback when you wipe the smirk off some n00b’s face with an AK-47, and let you smoke weed, eat Doritos, and drink Mountain Dew, all in glorious 60 FPS. Wow.
If you’re a console peasant, you can play with a controller on your toaster, but instead I would recommend that you git gud.
But besides the standard-defying gameplay, visuals, and sound, there is the story. What seems like a standard yet daunting trek into Illuminati territory opens up into something so much more as you find the final boss – Shrek. Your 1v1 swear on me mum battle with Shrek is set to determine the fate of humanity, when, at the very end, there’s is an emotionally charged revelation:
That was just robot mecha Shrek, and xXSWAGNEMITE#YOLO420Xx was an Illuminati the whole time.
Writing on this level is unheard of and the creator of the game deserves an Emmy, Golden Globe, Grammy, and Nobel Peace Prize for what will undoubtedly be remembered for millenia to come as a turning point in the history of humanity. This, ladies and gentlemen, is perfection.
Rating – gr8 m8 8/8 like Skyrim with guns
Recommendation – Greenlight pls
Disclaimer: I do not condone the smoking of weed erryday unless it is legal in your country/state/city and you are of age. In addition, “this game contains flashing lights and sounds and should not be played by scrubs.”