Review – Persona 4 Golden, The 642-ish Word Version

My original review was too long, so I’ve trimmed the fat.

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Story

P4G is a game where you play as a total bro, put together the best harem ever, and kill monsters dead. Not convinced yet? READ MORE.

Our resident bro arrives in Inaba to find out that there are strange things afoot, so he decides to investigate with Brosuke and harem member number one, Cheese. They discover the TV world, a world inside the TV, and gain the power of Pokemon Personas, which allows them to kill things with fire (and other less-interesting stuff).

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The story is okay, but it would have been better if the bros and babes were brought into the story in cooler ways. Five people introduced and given their abilities in the same way? Totally lame. And then, the story pretends to end a few times, when it’s pretty obvious it’s not over. So that’s not very good.

Towards the end, there’s a “frankly miraculous” event, which is dumb. They could have just said that our brotagonist’s overwhelming badassitude rendered the situation null, but decided against that for some stupid reason.

There are a few endings to the game, including the regular ending, the “true” ending, and a bunch of bad ones. Unless you really aren’t paying attention, it’s hard to get a bad one, but it’s easy to miss the true ending for some dumb reason.

Even though the story has issues, the harem and bros provide necessary lulz and fun, such as visiting Persona 3‘s Tatsumi Port Island. Unfortunately, there was no crossover meeting of the bros, as that would cause the planet to implode.

Characters

The main characters are funny and stuff, but all you’ll really care is about your harem. The members will inevitably be Cheese, Yukiko, Rise (AKA the one you know is hot in a bikini), Marie, Teddie, Naoto, and Kaiki. In scripted events, they’ll make fun of Kanji and be all goofy, and then in the social links they’ll be all lovey-dovey.

Marie is new to P4G, and she is best girl (maybe). Since she’s new, the story changes a bit, which is cool. And she’s basically the main bro’s canon love interest. More or less.

Gameplay

You can stab things, you can light things on fire, and you can do some other stuff too. Since the brotagonist’s bro-ness is so overwhelming, he can use multiple Personas, which makes him even cooler. It’s pretty straightforward.

And then there’s the other half, where you put your harem together, hang out with a bunch of other peeps, and go to school. Every bro knows you need to go to school, and doing well in class increases your bro levels past 9000. The social links help you make Personas and get girls to join your harem, which they are all super excited about.

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There’s also Brojima, Nanako, Adachi, the fox, and a bunch of other people you can talk to if you feel like it. Or, you could spend your time fishing instead.

Sound

The music is hypnotically sextastic, and the voice acting is good. Cheese and Teddie sound much better than in the PS2 version. And for further proof that our main character is a bro, he’s voiced by Jonny Young Bosch, the original black Power Ranger.

Visuals

It’s all nice and pretty.

So, basically, to sum up this game:

+ Bros
+ Babes
+ Super special awesome music
+ JYB

~ Not enough bro-ness in the story

– Story is meh
– “You’re not me!”

Overall – Boomshakalaka/10
Recommendation – play with your bros

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As the greatest bro tutorial in existence, you should get a Vita to play this game. If you don’t, you will forever be too normal to be a bro.


Word count on the original – 4215
Word count on the abridged – 627
Mission accomplished.

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2 thoughts on “Review – Persona 4 Golden, The 642-ish Word Version

    • Yeah, Valentine’s Day definitely made me feel like a serious asshole, especially after I reloaded and went through it four times to see all the dates. At least Marie didn’t care.

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