Have you ever felt that you don’t have enough Wheaties in your diet? That your testosterone levels are far too low? That you want 400 babies but can’t afford Powerthirst? Well do I have the solution for you – a book overflowing with manliness in the manliest ways possible.
Have you heard of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure? Good, now don’t fall behind. What if someone took those two series and combined them into the greatest thing ever? Well ladies and gentlemen, someone did just that. And they are a genius for it.
This amazing paper product requires some backstory. While on a journey to the land of the rising sun last summer, I visited a bi-annual celebration referred to as “Comiket,” which is short for “how to start your hentai collection.” I avoided the hentai, as, in the words of my pervy friend, “Low class perverts are attracted to dirty things. I take innocent things and make them dirty. There’s a difference.” Regardless of this, I was immediately drawn towards a cover with a half-naked character partially covered by a label saying “Not adult only.” That, the greatest thing I have ever read (AKA what I’m reviewing), and a bag were my only purchases of the day. But they were the greatest I have ever made. Especially the bag.
So, what is “The Bizarre Melancholy of Haruhi Diomiya (alternatively, you could call it Haruhi Diomiya’s Bizarre Melancholy)”? Well, I’m glad you asked. The brilliant artist/author/genius took the characters from Haruhi Suzumiya, overlapped them with the characters from JoJo (Kyon = JoJo #1, Haruhi = Dio, Taniguchi = Speedbump, Kyon’s sister =
Danny Donny?, etc.) and then jammed the stories together. But the best part? They retained the art style from JoJo, resulting in manly manliness that makes Chuck Norris bend at the knees.
This story is the best thing I’ve ever read. It starts out with the manly rivalry between Kyon and Haruhi Diomiya and then escalates into this badass fighting where two people end up cut in half! But they can just put themselves back together with their preposterous amounts of testosterone – preposterone! If you don’t think that’s the tightest crap then get out of my face. The story follows JoJo for the most part, but nobody cares about that – we’re here for the excessive posing and buff men (and women).
Along with this, are you sick of vampire stories? Do you hate cats? If you replied yes or no to either of those questions, you are guaranteed to love this. I am excluding the relevant picture for the sake of the children. What children, you ask? The children.
The characters in this story are incredible, far and away improved from their roles in the Haruhi Suzumiya series. Kyon is such a bro, as expected of the muscular protagonist. And poor Asahina is molested by Haruhi Diomiya only 14 pages in! Taniguchi plays the role of side-character/pervert flawlessy, even going so far as to praise Haruhi Diomiya for doing the things he can’t. However, Koizumi and Asakura have the best roles – there is no doubt about that.
The art is easily the best part of this entire doujinshi. Everyone looks so manly and strong that they look like they could open a jar on the first try. Male? Female? Irrelevant! What does matter here is muscles! And thankfully, muscles are plentiful.
If you couldn’t tell already, this is the greatest thing I’ve had the pleasure of reading. How could anyone not enjoy this beauty?
So, to summarize:
Story – Tightest I’ve read.
Characters – Have you seen those muscles?
Art – Have you seen those muscles?
Sound – There’s so much menergy that turning a page sounds like bench-pressing.
Enjoyment – 10/10, not even Tsui no Sora (review forthcoming) can compare.
Some of you might be thinking, “But Kyoycz/David/Batman, can you even read Japanese?” Well the joke’s on you, I can’t read.
Overall: You know how I feel about this. Order a copy. Now. I don’t care how, just do it. Preferably yesterday.
If you’re interested in natural methods of boosting your testosterone as much as I am, the sequels may be just what you need.
As a result of not realizing just how incredible these works of art are, I was only able to acquire the first part, missing out on the inevitably amazing sequels. ZA WARUDO!
If you want to hear about the other greatest thing I have ever bought, leave a comment. Otherwise I might just write about it anyways.